A Review of the audio book ‘Churched’ by Matthew Paul Turner

I first became aware of the writer Matthew Paul Turner (MPT from now on) when someone I follow on Twitter re-Tweeted one of his tweets. I was curious to read more about him, not because I agreed with what he said, quite the opposite in fact. I don’t remember exactly what the comments said but I seem to remember it was making fun of either Reformed Theology or possibly John Piper. Anyway it was enough to peek my curiosity so I started to follow him on twitter and read some of his Blog 'Jesus Needs New PR' (The blog title may give you a hint of his agenda).

It wasn't long before I stopped reading his blog and some time later I stopped following him on Twitter. The reasons will become clearer.

Any way a few months ago Christian Audio gave away his book ‘Churched’ as their free monthly download. So, since it was free, I downloaded it to see if I could try and understand where MPT was coming from. The book has the following description:

He spent his childhood trapped within the confines of countless bizarre, strict rules. And lived to tell about it.

In this first-hand account, author Matthew Paul Turner shares amusing–sometimes cringe-worthy–and poignant stories about growing up in a fundamentalist household, where even well-intentioned contemporary Christian music was proclaimed to be “of the devil.”

churched is a collection of stories that detail an American boy’s experiences growing up in a culture where men weren’t allowed let their hair grow to touch their ears (“an abomination!”), women wouldn’t have been caught dead in a pair of pants (unless swimming), and the pastor couldn’t preach a sermon without a healthy dose of hellfire and brimstone. Matthew grapples with the absurdity of a Sunday School Barbie burning, the passionate annual boxing match between the pastor and Satan, and the holiness of being baptized a fifth time–while growing into a young man who, amidst the chaotic mess of religion, falls in love with Jesus. (Cited from amazon.co.uk)

The Audio Book version that I listened to was read by MPT himself which I guess added to the experience as His reading of his own book clearly added extra weight and humour to the words.

Several things struck me after I had finished listening to the book:

Firstly I have no experience first hand of that kind of Fundamentalism. The only thing that comes close was an evening when my first church invited some man to talk about secular music to the youth group. I was about 18 at the time. He was a nutter quite frankly and saw the devil in everything. I quickly learnt to filter out that kind of nonsense.

I have heard about that kind of US fundamentalism and have read the odd article from people with that kind of viewpoint. Not growing up in a Christian home I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a child in a grace filled Christian home let alone one so rigidly moralistic and graceless.

There are some areas of UK Christianity that are very moralistic in nature but I have not personally come across that level of Fundamentalism, described by MPT, in my 22 years as a Christian believer. There were some friends at university that came from a fairly moralistic, Baptist upbringing and struggled to cope living outside of that bubble. With some predictable results of going off the rails a little.

Secondly, although I do not in any way doubt the sincerity in which the book was written, I struggle to accept that much of what was written has not been embellished by MPT’s adult self. I struggle to remember conversations that happened last week let alone detailed conversations I had as a child. Since this book is a series of narratives of various stages of MPT’s growing up it is full of these conversations.

We all filter and interpret our memories through the life lenses we are currently wearing. That is not to accuse MPT of lying or making stuff up. However he has clearly been deeply affected by growing up in such a strict environment and many of the subtle points he is making come through narratives that are time wise his childhood but message wise most certainly his adult self.

Thirdly it can only be by the Grace of God that he is even a believer today. Some of the incidents described are literally ‘you could not make this stuff up’ stories. Enough to crush and stifle the life and soul out of any person.

However, back to the reason I could no longer stomach reading his blog or following him on Twitter. It is fully understandable to be angry and frustrated with the Fundamentalism in which he grew up. Who wouldn’t be? But much of his twitter stream and blogging is filled with poking fun at and maligning anyone who could be broadly categorised as Reformed or Calvinist. Particular targets are the likes of John Piper and Mark Driscoll (which is odd as the fundamentalism that MPT experienced, Driscoll pokes fun at all the time). That is not of course to say that they are above criticism as no one of course is. However Piper, Driscoll and the pastors, teachers and groups they are associated with are as far from MPT’s fundamental experience as you can get. Their whole message is ‘Grace’ which of course is anathema to moralistic fundamentalism.

What saddened and yes annoyed me most was the comments that others made on his blog. Now Calvinists have a reputation for being harsh, but I have never read more angry, insulting and blatantly Un-Christian views than I read from people on his blog comments against anyone in the Reformed camp.

I use twitter and read blogs for one main reason, to learn more about and grow in my Christian faith from gifted and wise teachers and writers. If I find the blogs of the people I follow on twitter no longer serve that purpose or in fact have a negative affect on that purpose I no longer give them my attention or time. Different views on theological issues are welcome, but when those views are nothing more than childish digs why waste time with them.

MPT if a gifted writer and communicator. Sadly however his childhood experience has so blinded him that he seems to now lump anyone who he does not agree with and is on the more conservative side into one category, Fundamental.

No MPT, Jesus does not need new PR, that is a very arrogant. The Church is Jesus’ body on earth despite itself. What everyone needs is to know, understand accept and experience is the unconditional Grace which he freely offers to all. That is the message of true Reformed theology which you seem to so dislike!

What does Toleration Actually mean today?

I thought I would write this brief article on Toleration. Mainly I will quote something I read in a much bigger article that can be found here. The quote I want to look at is below.

The new toleration

The definition of "toleration" has been inverted in recent years. Historically, toleration implied disagreement. The powerful would tolerate ideas that they disagreed with or found unpleasant; they might argue against them or condemn them, but they did not suppress the ideas through violence or the courts.

Today, toleration means agreeing that selected categories—typically race, gender, and sexual orientation—are value-neutral, that is, that they have no significant bearing on human worth, moral standing, etc. To suggest otherwise is to commit the one unforgivable sin of being intolerant, judgmental or bigoted.

In other words, toleration has changed from referring to ideas to referring to people, and from learning to live with disagreement to agreeing that [specific] differences don't matter.

In my previous post on why we should vote in the election I mentioned the issue of ‘Toleration’ and quoted a book title by D.A Carson called The Intolerance of Tolerance. I think that title sums up the current view of what Toleration actually means. When you strictly narrow the categories by which you define what tolerance means it inherently becomes intolerant of anything outside of it. Now for those inside those categories this is not seen as an issue and seems entirely reasonable. However for those pushed to the boundaries or who are fully excluded this becomes a major concern and problem.

The outrageous witch hunt against the Conservative candidate for Sutton, Philippa Stroud, is a prime example of this inversion of what society defines as Toleration (click HERE for good article on Christians in the media spotlight and Adrian Warnock’s take on it). The recent court case for Gary McFarlane is another example that highlights the shift on the way society views what is in or out of that category. Excellent article by Former Bishop of Rochester, Michael Nazir-Ali shows that Religious conviction is no longer viewed on a level playing field with such things as Sexual orientation or Gender identity. Therefore one set of beliefs/values subjugates another in the name of equality and tolerance in the law.

That effective inequality is the main problem with all this legislation that the Labour government and lobby groups have pushed through. In the attempt to stop discrimination against people on the grounds of Gender, Race, Sexual Orientation, Age and Religion they have inadvertently (or purposefully if you want to be cynical) created a clash between those categories. In this post-modern, post-Christian, secular, humanistic society we call Britain, Religious conviction is trumped by all the other categories.

I had a debate with someone on Twitter around if Philippa Stroud was a bigot and what that actually meant. The tactic most anti-Christian or Atheist people use is to simply dismiss the Bible completely and thus to try and prevent a Christian from arguing from that point of view. A Christians whole frame of reference is Biblical so it can be effective, especially over such things as Social Media as there is so little space to actually engage and debate a person.

The main contention I have is that by a person saying ‘your view is bigoted or Intolerant’ they are effectively saying my belief trumps your belief. I am right and you are wrong. So by the Oxford English Dictionary definition of Bigot are in fact being exactly that and are being Intolerant themselves.

Bigot: a person who is prejudiced in their views and intolerant of the opinions of others

We all bring our beliefs and world view to the table and to say one person is being Intolerant is simply to impose your worldview as the correct one and exclude another's. The very definition of Intolerance in the old definition above.

However generally the person is unwilling or unable to see or accept this. To do so would open debate and allow alternative viewpoints. As far as the person I debated with on twitter was concerned I was a homophobic hateful bigot simply because I was a Christian and held to Biblical authority and they could not accept they were being Intolerant or bigoted themselves. Because of the difference of interpretation of what it means to Tolerate or be Intolerant of something.

I truly believe this will only get worse in Britain in the coming years. It has already happened on more than one occasion that a person has been arrested under hate laws or breach of peace laws for simply repeating what the Bible says, specifically on the subject of Homosexuality. In a recent incident because the Police officer was themselves gay. It can be seen that Christians in public are targeted specifically on this subject because it will get them in trouble in Britain. Even if the laws were not instigated to do this the end result is that they are being used to suppress free speech by those that will not tolerate a moral world view that differs or clashes with their own.

Sadly these stories tend to misrepresent the Biblical world view and focus them solely on the Homosexuality issue making it more of a focus than the Bible actually places on it. Making Christians ‘sound’ like homophobes when in fact a true Christian is nothing of the sort in reality, though may be seen as one by the new definitions.

In my view Bigot, Intolerance or phobe has fear and hate fuelling it. Religious, self righteous types can be bigots and intolerant as much as Atheist humanistic types can be. A true Christian however will not, as they recognise that every one of us on this planet is justly heading for an eternity in hell unless God plucks them from the precipice. Thanks to Jesus Christ's supreme act Love and sacrifice the way is open for just that to happen. A Christian knows that it is only by Grace they are saved through no merit in them at all. Therefore they have no grounds to be self righteous towards anyone and are free to Love and serve others. Christianity defines what it is to have true equality and treat all people with love and respect.

But this does not mean it will agree with your world view. If you are not a Christian I cannot tell you that you are living in immoral life and expect you to change. I can only point you to Christ and if you give your life to Him then change will inevitably be the result as he changes your heart from the inside. But I can tell you that God has a better way to live, that if you live outside of that framework then things will not be as good as they could be and may in fact cause you harm. I cannot expect you to change or agree but I can point the way and this is not Bigoted or Intolerant or hateful because it disagrees with how you currently choose to live. A Christian is motivated by the Love of God for them which naturally wants the best for you.

But don’t expect Christians to be perfect and get it right all the time. We don’t and are on a journey ourselves of being changed. Take the time to understand who it is you are labelling and what they actually stand for before you judge them, you may be surprised by what you find.

Sam Storms and Adrian Warnock on being a Reformed Charismatic

Great interview and Wisdom from a couple of wise men of God on bringing together two camps of Christianity that haven’t always seen eye to eye.

Or put it more simply, seeing what the Bible sais about it!!!

Sam Storms On Pastoring As A Reformed Charismatic from Adrian Warnock on Vimeo.

Men in the Media + Torchwood mini-review

Just a short post to give a quick few thoughts on Torchwood. Yes I know it was a week ago but it takes me time to write.

I watched the first series of Torchwood and then avoided the second. Mainly because I was sick of the unnecessary homosexual and sexual content of the show. It drifted so far from a scifi show into the realms of a Channel 5 trash show that it became unwatchable. We get it Russell T Davies, you are a Gay man. We get it John Barrowman, you are also a Gay man. Now take the huge chip of your shoulder and get on with writing decent stories. Sorry Rant over!

So with that background I watched this 5 part mini-series with a certain trepidation. I liked what I saw in the trailers so gave it a go. I have to say I found it on the whole very entertaining. It certainly pulled no punches and didn’t wimp out when difficult plot threads had to work themselves out adequately.

The end solution to the Alien threat was uncomfortable because it involved a child dying. Interesting resolution that, with one person being sacrificed for the sake of many so that they could be saved from an eternity of hell as a drug supply to the Aliens, the 456. Remind you of anything ;-)

The government discussions over who should be taken by the Aliens was well written. One can imagine exactly that kind of solution being put forward by any government. Save the fittest and sacrifice the weakest. How very Darwinian!

However what I found stood out for me was the character of Jack Harkness. On the one hand he is very heroic, given that he can’t die this is not very surprising and may even not be heroic. On the other he came across as a very weak Man. He runs away from emotionally difficult situations, hiding behind a mysterious facade or actually running away physically as he did at the end. Instead of facing the consequences of the decisions he makes.

This got me thinking about how masculinity is portrayed in the media. I came to the conclusion of badly I think. Looking at Michael Jackson again. Here was a man, idolised by millions, yet was a seriously disturbed, abused and lost human being. A small boy stuck in an adults body.

So many of the men we see in public life are either chauvinistic or effeminate and weak. Now I am not talking physically here. A man can be a good man and still be what would be described as physically weedy.

I am not going in to what makes a good, godly man now but just wanted to make the observation. Men are no longer men and have been tamed by the feminists and PC brigade. Let’s discover what a real man is before our whole society goes further down into the sewer of broken homes, no respect for authority, abuse etc…

Men, their Caves, their Emotions and a whole lot of Internet searches!

I have been taking note again recently about how people come to visit my little piece of Cyber Space. My Stats counter records what link or search people enter this blog from. It has continued to surprise me how many people search on the following terms. This is over the space of about two weeks:

men and their cave
men and their caves
men and their caves
emotional support pgce
men and their caves=men and their cave
can men learn to show emotion
men in their cave
womans emotion men god
men emotions hurt

Well you get the idea and the theme here. So if you have stumbled upon my blog searching with the above then welcome and stick around, make yourself at home and hopefully something of what I have shared can help you on your quest.

This article I wrote about a year ago shows much the same thing as far as searches go. This must only be a fraction of the amount of searches done on the subject. I am not about to suggest that over the course of a year anything should have changed about Men's Emotions. However I wanted to give some further thoughts as to why this is such an issue in today's society . I dealt with this nearly two years ago, here and in some depth, but would like to revisit it a little if I may.

So the perception is that men do not either have emotions or simply won't share them. This is clearly nonsense as everyone has emotions. Women just don't understand this male behaviour of retreating into themselves and not wanting to talk about it or show emotion. Or the very different way men deal with emotional pain.

Some Possible Reasons behind the issue!

Back in January my one post mentioned a little saying that was given to me on a fridge magnet, which was:

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

Despite the obvious connotations of men never asking for directions what does this really say about us humans and men in particular?

The classic observation that men never ask for directions says much about the psychological makeup of today's men. I believe the reason why we, as I include myself in this, don't ask for help easily is this in built voice that whispers, or shouts, in our ear that 'to be a man':

• 'We should know where we are going and how to get there'
• 'we should know how to repair a puncture'
• 'we should know how to do DIY'
• 'we should know how to deal with family crisis'
• 'we should be able to provide for and protect our families'
• 'we should be able to father children'
• 'we shouldn't show emotion openly, unless for football, as it is a sign of weakness'
• 'we must not cry'
• 'we must not admit we failed or can't do it'

Recognise any of those? I realise some of these are trite and some are very stereotypical views. However I guarantee they are all thoughts that take hold at some time or another. Look at what type of statements they are. Men are by and large goal orientated people. The pressures of upbringing, society and I believe, design all contribute to this behaviour. I am in no way saying this is necessarily wrong either. We are far by and large more goal orientated than women.

So we bluff our way through life hiding behind this facade of perceived manliness. Blagging our way in conversations we know nothing about. Pretending to be strong when inside we are cowering in fear of failure and weakness. In our marriages and relationships with the opposite sex we are at our most pressured and vulnerable to being found out.

Think about it, when watching a film with your partner. Say a 'Pride and Prejudice' or some heroic film like 'Gladiator'. Women love the strong, heroic, 'manly' types who would sweep them off their feet in passionate desire. I watch those films and it has a twofold effect on me. I identify with those characters and feel a deep tug in my soul to stand up and be counted, feeling inspired to be more. On the other hand I think how can I ever match up to that? More often than not the effect is to retreat inside in fear.

Men retreat and women talk when trying to cope with uncomfortable emotions. Sharing feelings is not natural to men for some of the reasons above and because we feel the need to deal with stuff by ourselves. We are solution orientated: Problem > analysis > solution. This is why a man wants to fix a situation when a woman presents it to him.

The Root Cause

The big problem lies when we place our sense of worth and security on these thoughts, beliefs and ultimately the subsequent goals. We believe that to be a man we should be able to do X and when that X is blocked, removed or underachieved it can have a devastating effect on a mans soul. I use the term soul as the effect goes much deeper than just impacting the emotions.

In every human, man or woman is a need to feel a sense of security, worth and significance. If we have been told when growing up, either directly or indirectly, that being a man means X, Y or Z then that is what we will pursue as one of our goals in life and that goal being expressed through the lenses of masculinity. Men's makeup leans us towards pursuing goals that fill the needs of worth and significance. Women tend towards goals of security. We all need all three to be fulfilled but the two sexes prioritise them differently. This is important for women to realise when trying to understand male behaviour and vice versa.

As I said if we place our need for worth, significance or security in something or someone then there will always be a sense of anxiety since it is uncertain if that something or someone can satisfy that need. Men live with an anxiety that they cannot fulfil their role as men because the goals we believe we need to pursue to satisfy those needs are misplaced. If you think your need for worth and significance is found in your job, your performance in bed, how you provide for your family, your chosen sport, to name a few then those things can be undermined and taken away.

The solution

I have found that there were many things I used to look to and do that brought me a sense of worth and significance. But none of them could ever fully satisfy. I believe as Christian that only in God can we find those needs fulfilled. He created us and put them there in the first place. He is the only one able to do it. The wonderful thing about it is that it takes away the striving and massive emotional effort that is required to satisfy those needs yourself. I find my worth, significance and security in my relationship with Christ. Nothing can take that away! Sure I still have many misplaced dependencies in my life but as I grow and seek God those things are revealed, challenged and gradually changed.

My wife would say I still don't show emotions enough. I still retreat into my cave and stay there for a while figuring things out rather than risk the open minefield of sharing. Of course I have deep, passionate emotions that bubble around inside and I express them as the man I am. Don't pressure us men too much with expectation of grand expressions of emotion.

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

Please don't carry on through your life without considering if you are lost, trying everything you can think of to find satisfaction in a world that can only provide muddy pools that have no lasting worth.

We are all lost without God and the saving grace of the cross of Christ. Apart from Him there is no life. Only a wearisome struggle from one source of unsatisfying excitement to another.

Only in Christ can we be set free to be the true men and women we were created by God to be. Only by placing all our core needs in him and being truly satisfied can we give to others without fear and express ourselves fully. The masks can only be laid at the cross, there is nowhere else. You cannot remove it yourself!

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

Now that is Security! That is who you can be!

Who are the British Creationists? Should it be discussed in School?

Just Who are the British Creationists?

This is the question posed by the BBC site (hotlink above) prompted by a comment by Professor Michael Reiss (BBC Link) where he thinks that Creationism should be allowed to be discussed in a Science lesson if a pupil brings it up. From what I gather this is purely from the point of view that this would then enable the teacher to point out, in his view, that Creationism had no scientific basis and that Darwinian molecules to man Evolution does. He believes it is better to open dialogue in order to hopefully 'educate' a person in a real scientific view.  To quote:

"However, if a young person raises creationism in a science class, teachers should be in a position to explain why evolution is a sound scientific theory and why creationism is not, in any way, scientific."

Now this created a complete overreaction by some more vocal evolutionary evangelicals in the scientific community. I am not sure if they just read the media and believed the misquotes and assumptions made and got all emotional rather than approaching it 'scientifically' and finding out some facts first. However this has led to Professor Reiss being pressured into resigning his position as 'Director of Education' of the Royal Society (BBC Link).

All I can say is what does this tell us about the scientific community in this country. Are they so arrogant or threatened when anyone mentions Creationism that they react like this. If they are so sure they are right and Creationists are wrong then why are they so threatened by one of their own suggesting lets actually engage these young people in the classroom in the hope of convincing them that Molecules to Man evolutionary theory is the only scientific viewpoint.

As Dr Ross Rosevear, curator of the Genesis Expo museum and part of the UK Creation Science Movement, says in the first article I linked too.

"All we are saying is that it is not unreasonable to present an alternative explanation of how life began,"

The article fails to mention that he is a Biochemist who used to lecture at the University of Portsmouth and knows his stuff. He is not some ignorant crackpot with is head buried in the sand. Neither are most true Creationists, who have usually read widely both sides of the debate and are either actual research scientists or lay people with a scientific interest. I count myself in that second category. Many I know are former Evolutionists who realised the argument is in no way as cut and dry as the likes of Dawkins would like everyone to think.

So I am one of these British Creationists. I am not ignorant, stupid, blind or unquestioning. I question everything! This is why I 'AM' a Creationist when I looked at what I was taught in science class and what I was being bombarded with in the media. It didn't all fit and make logical sense.

I do believe genetic mutation coupled with natural selection causes changes/adaptations in the animal kingdom but only within kind. The straw man argument used that Creationists don't believe in Evolution is nonsense. Humans have artificially done to dogs for hundreds of years what would have taken thousands of years naturally to accomplish and they are still 100% dog and always will be. Just one example. No amount of this process could create the complexity and diversity of life we have today from a single common ancestor.

In some respects I think it will be difficult for teachers to deal with children who raise the Creationists viewpoint in class. They, the teacher, will have no understanding of it and likely the child will know more than them. They may end up losing any authority with the young people when they are unable to counter a strong Creationist argument or show Darwinian Molecules to man Evolutionary theory is in fact provable in science...... cause it isn't!

Are we Happy Plastic People under Shiny Plastic Steeples?

I just led a group talk, in my Cell group, that dealt with the issue of us as Christians not pretending we are fine when we are not. Not being honest with ourselves about how we are feeling and not being honest with God about how we are feeling.

For the first of these points I was challenged by a song by Casting Crowns called 'Stained Glass Masquerade'. The lyrics to which are as follows:

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Now I love this song and Casting Crowns lyrics in general because of the absolute gut wrenching honesty in which they are written. I know several people who's view of the church is of judgemental hypocritical people who don't live in reality. They feel that were they to go to church and reveal to people how they lived their lives they would be judged, looked down on and generally feel pretty out of place. Now I am sure, to the shame of the Christian church, there are churches like that. However in my 19 years of being a Christian I have never truly seen that played out. There are hints of it and individual people who may have that attitude but on the whole the people I know are in the most part warm and friendly to anyone who steps through the doors.

So firstly we have a perception problem in the church but that is not the focus of what I want to say. Where I want to focus is the fact that sometimes I, as a Christian, can stand in church and feel that no one else around me could possibly be as sinful as me and that if they knew what I was really like they would be utterly shocked and ashamed of me. I see good, smiling, super spiritual Christians with their evangelical Sunday smiles and their lovely super families. This is what it seems like when you feel spiritually low and stuck in some deep dark hole.

However the pressure is there to not feel like that. We are spirit filled evangelicals that are saved, have a hope in eternity and are filled with the Joy of the Lord. Now all that may be true but is set against the reality of living in a fallen world. With being a Christian God never promises an easy life that you can sail through without problems arising. In fact sometimes becoming a Christian makes your life way harder. So why do we feel the pressure to conform to this view of how a Christian should appear.

I am not sure there is a specific answer to that. There are many and varied reasons for us wearing masks that hide our true feelings. I think one of the biggest reasons is Trust. We have this deep fear that if anyone was to see us as we truly are then no one would love us. So the degree to which we wear our mask and reveal ourselves depends on the level of trust we have in that particular situation and in the people in question. But my argument is that if you can't reveal your true self to the body of Christ then who can you reveal it to. The Body of Christ, the Church, should be the number one place you can be as real and honest about who you are without the fear of rejection and judgement. We are all on the road of Sanctification, that is God changing us from the inside out to be more like Christ. We are all sinners, imperfect, flawed individuals with no right to put ourselves above anyone else on some moral high ground. Humility, Love and Grace should be the hallmarks of the people who call themselves Christians. None of us meets Gods perfect standard.

So that kind of looks at the first point of the issue of us as Christians not pretending we are fine when we are not. How about why we are not honest with ourselves about how we are feeling. Well that is even more complex an issue and I don't pretend to have the answers. Again it can come down to having this notion that Christians should feel and be a certain way. This unwritten set of rules that states we should feel full of Joy and happy clappy all the time. We are afraid that to admit we feel crap, depressed, sad, angry, resentful, jealous is to somehow say we can't be Christians if we feel that way or that we shouldn't feel those things. Sure some things we feel and some attitudes we have will need repenting of, but that doesn't mean we must suppress and hide from those things. It is so dangerous to deny what you are feeling regardless of the right or wrong of it. Admit it then do whatever is required of you. If what your attitude is sinful then repent and bring it to God. If you are deeply wounded and hurt then bring it to God. He will not turn you away!

Lastly why hide from God when He knows exactly what is gong on anyway? Shame and fear can stop us coming to God and being absolutely honest, can He handle us, He'll be angry and punish me etc... However I suggest that comes from not knowing Gods nature as revealed in scripture. There is no point in hiding so be courageous and tell God exactly how you are feeling and what is going on in your life and heart. He will never stop loving you, never reject you, never turn you away. He may require repentance, he may bring the consequences of our actions and choices to bear upon us and those around us. But I reiterate, He never stops Loving You with a greater Love than you can possibly grasp.

So lastly I ponder what would Gods Church look like if everyone dropped their 'Stained Glass Masquerade'? If we engaged with each other and the people around us. If we stopped pretending and said 'I'm broken!' I think the response would be 'Yes, me too!' The Church then may not be the organised, sanitised place it can be today. It would be messy, people are messy but I bet it would be somewhere outsiders would feel welcome, loved and not judged. A church that would be growing and a force for Good in a world that so desperately needs Christ's Love, saving power, Mercy and Grace. What a place that would be, it starts with you and me!

I could become schizophrenic apparently and Leftyphobia!

According to the BBC website and this article I am at greater risk of becoming schizophrenic because I am left handed. I preferred the finding that said Lefty's think quicker personally or are better in fights (though since I don't fight I hope to never find out).

Just cause I use my brain differently to you righty types this means there must be a problem in there somewhere. The world is a leftyphobic place I tell you. Since everyone else complains that they are discriminated against I think I will start. All desks should have 2 computer mice so I don't have to move them when I have to sit at desks of righty's. There should always be left handed scissors available, left handed golf clubs (though I don't play golf), left handed versions of everything that has a right handed version always available and not costing more!

I bought I new single bass drum pedal for my Drums the other week. I was looking at double-bass drum pedals and asked about left handed versions. Of course the lefty versions were more expensive! Now I understand the 'oh well the manufacturing costs are more'. However this is entirely unfair, its leftyphobic I tell you. Human rights, discrimination, fairness, equality...........I am a human being!

Now now Andrew, I think you are getting carried away here he says with tongue firmly in cheek!!!!!

Men, Emotions and lots of Internet Searches!

I have been studying my Blog Stats and looking at what it is that brings search engines and people to my humble little corner of the Blogosphere. What I have noticed is the extraordinary number of searches along the lines of men expressing their emotions or not as the case may be. Now I know the title of my blog is what the search engines are primarily seeing and it was for this reason I gave my blog that title. But I have had to then ask why do I get so many hits on that subject. What is it about 'men and emotions' that has people wanting to research articles on the web. It is to this question I now write:

I put this to my wife, to which she replied "well men don't show their emotions!"

Blunt and to the point but probably quite true on the most part. I tackled this in detail on this post here. Also the God The Parent Essay has much to say on the subject of gender etc...

I can't really add a lot on top of what I wrote in those posts so I won't unless inspiration takes me at a later date. Filter my posts using the categories at the top to get all my articles related to emotions.

I thought I would add some books I have found very helpful on the subject of Men and Emotions in general.

BBC anti-creationist Propaganda in series Waterloo Road and the T-rex Drumstick!

Well the Biased Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has taken another side-swipe in its war on non liberal Christianity and creation science while promoting Evolution as proven science.

In last nights episode of the TV series Waterloo Road the group providing the money for the new academy being built in the series turns out to be coming from an American group who are 'nutty fundamentalist creationists'. Who are anti-abortion and stem cell research. Who want to push their beliefs upon the children to promote their fundamental standpoint.

I knew where the story was going when this big, brash American character turns up and introduces himself and then promptly prays over the land where the academy foundations were being dug. Of course this sets off alarm bells. Then the American gives a pupil creationist books when she mentions she is interested in fossils and dinosaurs. What they essentially presented were largely correct creationist views. In that belief in age of the earth being 6000 odd years, Noah's flood, dinosaurs are thought to be what medieval mythology calls dragons. However the way it was presented of course made it sound utterly ludicrous to believe in, to logical minds because Darwinian, molecules to man evolution is fact. These are just nutty fundamentalist, religious views that have no merit at all and are secretly trying to push some religious faith view.

It was inevitable that a program about secondary English schools would sooner or later bring up the Evolution/Creation debate. It was also inevitable that any belief other than molecules to man evolution would be presented as dangerous fundamentalism designed to push a faith view that has no merit in 'real' scientific endeavor or place in teaching.

Now I agree that creationism should not be taught in school. Since teachers are invariably not going to support that view or have any real understanding of it. However what should be taught in school is that macro-evolution is not proven, observable fact. Children should not be just told this is fact, they should be taught critical analysis. Be presented with the evidence and allowed to make up their own minds.

A good example of the supposed 'evidence' for evolution is the so called T-Rex link to chickens around in the news at the moment. Now presented the way it is you could be fooled into going, uh ok! but look even a fraction below the surface and the story is very different. Click here and here for a more in depth analysis of this 'evidence'. So the protein is 58% similar to chickens therefore proving the evolutionary link between dinosaurs and birds. Well, hello, human protein is 81% similar to frogs and no one thinks we 'evolved' from frogs so it is just nonsense to make those assumptions. Also the amount of living creatures that this protein was compared to was limited. This is just a good example of presenting so called evidence when given a little critical thinking turns out to be nothing of the sort. In fact it presents a good case for creationist ages since it is implausible to have tissue survive for 68 million years. Beyond 2.7 million years at 0 degrees C was considered absolute maximum. That is a big margin of error me thinks!

Oh well what can one expect from that 'Great' British Institution that is the BBC. Certainly not balanced news reporting or program making it would seem!

How far have Gender Roles come, really?

I can't remember when I first came across this poem below. I used it in a talk I gave on Sexuality to a youth group of a church I was a member of. I recently uncovered that talk when going through some old documents on my PC and this poem jumped out at me. Written in 1973 when the the state of 'equality' was different than today it still rings so true in 2007. Obviously I relate the the man side of the statements much more but I can see both sides.

It almost goes back to the gender stereotyping I talked about in a previous article. Have we really moved on in 24 years? Of course in some attitudes and equality laws yes we have come a very long way and quite right too. But underlying it all I think society still pressures us into roles that we must live up to. As I said in the aforementioned article men and women are different and do have different complimentary roles but that does not mean we are to be bound to or limited by them.

I am still shocked and amazed when I come across friends or acquaintances who still follow the traditional pattern of women doing the housework, cleaning, cooking etc..., children and men claim the 'I am at work earning the money thing', I do DIY and men things. For goodness sake, do your share of the household chores, learn to cook. So what if you are the sole bread winner, why is that an excuse to not help out at home?

A lot of the time it is simple laziness and lack of a good role model. Settling into culturally defined gender norms that have nothing to do with real gender roles or differences.

Step away from the soap box!!

Anyway here is the poem, enjoy!

---

'For every Woman'

For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.
For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of "knowing everything."
For every woman who is tired of being called "an emotional female," there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.
For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.
For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.
For every woman who feels "tied down" by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.
For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.
For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.
For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.

Copyright © 1973 Nancy R. Smith 154C Shore Drive Peabody, MA 01960

Men have emotions too? Cave dwellers Anonymous!

I was out for a meal recently with friends and the topic of men being shallow and unemotional came up. The argument went that basically men don't talk about their emotions, only talk about football/sport/gadgets/cars etc... when they are together and can't deal with it when a woman mentions something emotional. The very stereotypical viewpoint often reinforced on TV and in magazines.

Now I had to speak up at that point because that stereotype really winds me up. Now don't get me wrong, I totally agree that many men are like that. They come across as having the emotional depth of a wet teabag. The nearest thing they get to showing any emotion is when their team doesn't win a match. That is a slightly tongue in cheek remark but it is sadly true of some men. However I know many men who talk openly about emotional struggles and difficulties and are not emotionally closed books. I realise that this may largely be due to the fact that many of the men I know and have had dealings with are Christians and so are more likely to have had cause to express such things.

Now it is a total ridiculous to believe that men don't have emotions no matter how tough they appear on the outside. We are all human beings, created with emotions, able to hurt and be hurt by others. The big problem comes when women expect men to be like women in the emotional area. The fact of the matter is that men and women are different. Our brains are wired differently to enable us to perform the different roles that God created us for. Shock, horror, what men and women are different and have roles to fulfill in life that may actually be slightly different. YES!

These roles I believe, created by God, are not mutually exclusive. They are designed to work together and complement each other. Neither is less or more important than the other. Women, like it or not have a more nurturing role, hence they are far better at dealing with emotions, whereas men have a protective and provider role. Now of course I know this flies in the face of all the PC nonsense around today. But this is not saying that men are better in any way but just different. Also neither of the roles are exclusive to each sex. Men are capable of nurturing and women are capable of protecting and providing. However each has a natural tendency.

All these incidentally are characteristics possessed by God. God has both the female and male characteristics perfectly represented.

Now men are very solution driven. A mans brain is wired around focusing on one particular task at a time whereas women are better at multi tasking. This stereotype I happen to think is true and is born out by experience and observation.

In the emotional realm men work in the same way as they do in the physical realm. Presented with a problem a mans immediate thought is 'how do I solve this?' whereas in my experience a woman similarly presented with a problem wants to talk and share about the problem and how they feel about it, the solution ultimately being less important than the sharing experience. This fundamental difference is where the heart of the debate is. Gosh its taken a lot of waffle to get here.

Man generally wants to fix, a woman generally wants to share and be understood!

I have to continue to learn to shut my mouth when talking to my wife about issues and not present a 5 point action plan on the best way to solve the problem. I have done counseling training and how to listen to people and still that doesn't come naturally to me. I am constantly amazed that a solution isn't always required when talking to a woman, just listening and giving that time to do so is what is required. Similarly ladies, when talking to men don't expect a long list of all the things bothering a man at that time. If a man has a particular problem then yes he should share it with you but it will likely be in the vain of 'what am I going to do about this?'.

Culture and upbringing of course has a huge influence on the way a man deals with his emotions. Your natural personality combined with upbringing and culture plus you life's experience is what I believe really shapes how you respond to emotions. I was brought up in a very middle class family and was privately educated through all my schooling. My dad is a typical middle class British man. The emotional side of things was dealt with by my Mum in the family. Since my dad left when I was 12 his influence obviously reduced somewhat on me. My schooling culture, especially secondary school, was one of being moulded into an high achiever. Also even though I was bullied I was expected to really deal with it myself or shut up. The psychological impact of bullying was not considered 20 years ago. Now I did become very introverted and angry inside but consequently have had to deal with the emotional results of my childhood. Sadly many men never get the opportunities of support and care I have had.

Many men never grow up in families where the father is openly emotional and so never have that as a role model, I certainly didn't. Many I would say have the opposite, where the male role model is emotionally distant, feelings are not discussed and the impression is that men should show strength of character through burying their emotions. The British Stiff Upper lip is so prevalent even today. Teenage boys are not encouraged to discuss feelings or show emotion seeing it as weakness. No wonder there are so many angry and self destructive youth around. Teenage years are hard and confusing enough emotionally without the extra pressure of not being able to talk about it.

Of course the perfect Role Model is Jesus Himself. No cold, distant and unemotional man was he. A master at asking the right questions and getting to the heart of an issue when talking to either male or female. He expressed his sorrows and emotions openly with his disciples.

Ladies, if you want a man to talk to you don't pressure him and expect him to talk in depth about how he feels about everything. Ask the right questions, learn when to back off and when to push a little harder. I think the best thing 'Men are form Mars ...' described was the whole men in their cave thing. If a man is feeling stressed or down he is likely to retreat into his 'cave' until he has dealt with whatever is bothering him. While there you will not get any response from him if you ask him to talk, he needs space. What a man needs to learn to do is to express what was going on when he emerges from the 'cave'. To tell you what was bothering him and how he has resolved it, if he has. That way you can learn to see the signs of cave retreat and maybe help him not go there in the first place. This is likely only possible if he has already learned how to express what he is feeling.

Compromise is required from both parties. Men need to learn that a woman is expressing concern and love if she wants to know what is going on and not nagging him to talk. They need to see that it is generally totally alien to a woman to retreat when troubled therefore it can be very frustrating for a woman to have to wait. Likewise a woman needs to understand that once in 'cave' mode a man needs space. He will return if given time, nagging will prolong the time spent retreating. If a man needs help he will/should ask for it and can learn to share what is going on inside him if given the space to do so.

Men do have emotions, lots of them! We just struggle to put into words what they are. Given love, security and an unjudgemental atmosphere we can do it.

My Name is Andrew! I am a 'cave dweller', but with hard work and support I don't go there as much anymore!

(edited 03/12/06 to reduce the number of number of 'Now' statements, since there were many, as pointed out by my lovely wife, who is a trainee teacher so I had better listen!)