Friday, May 25, 2007

Half my life knowing God!

It suddenly dawned on me today that I have been a Christian for half of my life. Being 36 and having become a Christian at 18 doing the math means yes I have been a believer for 18 years. I found that quite shocking. Mainly because I still feel like a spiritual baby sometimes. Fine I have many opinions on things but I always feel immature compared against many other folks. Now I know comparing yourself against others is not a good thing to do and I do not do it that often. I am comfortable with who I am most of the time and generally where I am at.

However I still have this deep seated feeling of being young. I guess a lot of the time I still feel like a kid. I have childish impulses to do things that grown ups don't do. I remember when I was doing my counseling course at CWR, I was only 25 and felt very young. I felt why should any adult listen to me because of my age. However I still feel like that sometimes 11 years later when I am staring down 40 in the not too distant future. It is silly I know and I should get over it. One neurosis that I still have very strongly is the utter frustration and anger that I feel when I perceive someone isn't listening too me and taking my point seriously or worse still patronises me. Especially when I am not close to the Lord and looking to Him for my security and significance.

I am so glad that Christianity is not about being perfect or how good you are etc... God accepts us just as we are but loves us too much to leave us that way. I can't think of an apt bible verse at this point but I am sure there is one.

Anyway here's to another 18 years, God willing, discovering more about God through scripture and experience. Letting God mold me and shape me into the man He wants me to be.

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