Friday, November 10, 2006

Tired, grumpy and weak!

As I have previously posted my lovely wife is doing a Post Graduate Certificate in Education (PGCE). Now she is currently doing her first 7 week school placement over in Crawley. She is very tired and stressed and overworked and not sleeping. She keeps waking up at 5 ish in the morning and consequently waking me up as I am a light sleeper anyway. I have basically had a week of having less than 6 hours sleep and it being interrupted as well.

Consequently the title of this ramble. I am tired, grumpy and weak. Tired for obvious reasons, grumpy because I get grumpy when I am tired and weak since when tired I am easily distracted, have little focus or desire to read the bible, pray and do what God wants me to. Instead I find I do exactly the opposite! When I am tired I almost choose to rebel against God in a rather childish and self centred way.

Romans 7:15-19. Paul's classic statements about not doing what we want to do but doing the very thing we don't want to do. That battle with the sinful nature that will always be with us until we are freed by physical death and enter heaven. It is such a pain that this battle becomes all the more real when I am tired. I am short tempered and lash out verbally, usually to my wife. I want to be alone and to sit by my grumpy self. I almost lose the ability to care if I am upsetting God and start to teeter on depressive introspection if I am not careful.

But hey, thank God for Cats in general and mine specifically! They always cheer me up when I am down!

This is Bracken, one of my two cats. She is very cuddly but quite mad, but what can you expect from a ginger female!!!!!!!!

She is now sitting on my lap just to prove the point!

also Just came across this on RSJ's MySpace (see link above) and thought it was very good indeed:

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

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