Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Let's Have a drink in the Mud!

I recently had to think of a quote to sum up my walk with God which was:

To imitate Christ is my Goal! To stumble, find forgiveness and be restored each day a reality!

It was the stumbling part that was the most real to me. People know me as the one who always has a generally well thought out opinion on a variety of issues both spiritual and worldy. I can come across as a know it all sometimes, which is never my intention. Wisdom is the one spiritual gift that I desire above all others. However back to the stumbling.

Every day is a struggle between my desire to imitate christ and my desire to dull pain by whatever means possible. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken Me, the spring of living water and they have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water" (NIV)

The verse highlights mans ultimate sin. To find life apart from God. Instead of drinking at the beautiful sweet water that God provides us to nourish our spirits we walk right past and dig in the mud and drink filthy, stinking sludge! No matter how many times we are taught that lesson we still insist on trying to cope with life ourselves and do it our way.

Modern society provides a whole plethora of ways to do just that. All manner of drink, drugs, sexual highs, living other peoples lives through reality TV (yes Big Brother fans I mean you! ), fantastical ways of not really facing the pain caused by living in this fallen world. Most people try not to think about what is going on in their hearts and just get on with their lives and every so often crash when reality breaks through. Others who, for whatever reason, have a much greater awareness of the pain inside them can often fall into the more serious addictive behaviours if they can't find a more healthy way of dealing with the hurt. Likewise not looking and dealing with pain and ignoring it leads to the same. Just because you pretend pain/hurt is not there doesn't mean it isn't. It then eats away unnoticed and surfaces in your behaviour.

If it wasn't for God I would be in that second category. I am always too aware of the pain and hurt that life has caused me. My two entries on becoming a Christian and depression will show you that. I often find myself walking away, digging my muddy puddle and damaging my spiritual life and self ultimately. The devil then gets his tuppence worth and condemns me further. God is forever gracious and merciful and receives me back when I repent of my self centredness, eventually. I am not always quick to do so as I mope around feeling like 'here I am again, why don't I learn my lesson etc...' (Grace - receiving what we don't deserve, Mercy - not receiving what we do deserve) . God started a deeper work last year on getting me to deal with the pain and let it go finally for Him to heal as far as will ever happen this side of heaven. Shame I keep running away from doing it!!!!!!!!

Anyway, that is why I came up with that quote!

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